If you are a survivor of sexual abuse or any kind of interference you know already that in the current culture, triggers are everywhere. Triggers are there when you turn on the news when yet another pervert or sicko is arrested. Or it is the constant reminder from the Hollywood #metoo movement. As a survivor myself of molestation, I constantly feel like I can never forget because the world around me never lets me forget. So what can you do? How can you deal with the triggers without regressing in your own life and circumstances? Here are three tips that have helped me and I know can help you too.
Tip # 1: Remind yourself that you are innocent!
Years ago, I finally came to the realization that I did nothing wrong. I was the innocent party in this whole thing. I was a child and did not ask for what happened to me. You have to remind yourself of this too. Whatever happened to you, you did not ask for it. You are the innocent... I use the word innocent because it is the obvious opposite to guilty. Name the fool that did this to you and call him or her the guilty party. YOU ARE INNOCENT! I talk about this one frequently in my book: Surviving Sexual Interference: The power of knowing you did nothing wrong. The idea that blame should be shifted where it belongs. NOT ON YOU- ON THEM!
Tip # 2: Take back your power!
People can only have power over you if you let them have power over you. Take back your feeling of confidence. The feeling you had or should have had before someone abused you. You are worth more than what happened to you. Your life, your breath, your beauty is unique and undeniable and no person should ever take that away from you. RECLAIM YOUR POWER KINGS AND QUEENS! You are very deserving.
Tip # 3: Get out of isolation-tell your story!
One of the biggest mistake I made during my healing process from sexual abuse was that I kept it to myself. When you keep your story in isolation, it heightens the shame associated with what happened to you. Name your shame for the monster it is and tell anyone who will listen. The more you put YOUR story out there, the less shameful it becomes to you. This tip goes hand in hand with the first two because not telling anyone makes it seem as if you did something and that you have no power over it. I share my story often because it not only helps me to keep my healing consistent but guess what- THERE ARE OTHERS! When you are in isolation, you wrongly believe that you are the only one. Getting out of isolation can help so many other people, so when the time is right, start talking. YOUR STORY IS VERY IMPORTANT!
Click here for more tips in helping you cope with Sexual interference! I am a #metoo survivor and you can be too.
Reason # 1: You will become a better parent
I currently work from home with my 18 month old son by my side and everyday I am grateful for the privilege of being able to do so. I work around him and his needs and it is one of the most rewarding thing to be able to spend time with him and also earn a living at the same time. I also have other school aged kids involved in gymnastics and cheer-leading, so there are many drop offs and pickups in my daily routine. Having the ability to create a balance between my work and my role as a mom has absolutely made me a better parent. This is because I don't have the added pressure of commuting and beating myself up for not being there for my kids. Don't get me wrong, some days are easier than others, but having the assurance that I can manage my work and family responsibilities is an awesome feeling.
Reason # 2: You will become a better version of yourself
Let's face it working moms are SPECIAL! We are special because somehow we manage to do things that sometimes seem impossible. I can safely say that motherhood is THE hardest job on the planet. It takes so much out of you and couple that with outside work/ activities, you can really feel like you are loosing your mind sometimes. I know that having the independence of being my own boss and managing how my day goes has been a saving grace for my self worth. Working from home has allowed me to create a version of myself that is purposeful.
Reason # 3: You will have control over your life.
Having the ability to work when and how much you want based on your family responsibilities is a liberating experience. When you work for yourself and work from home, allows you to decide how much work you want to do. There are times when you can amp up your efforts based on how old your kids are. The older they get and the more self reliant they get will give you the freedom to work more. On the flip side allow you to work less when they need you the most.
Are you a mom and thinking about working from home? Or are you currently working in the corporate world and want an easier approach to your life and be there for your kids. Click here to find out more about how I have been able to work from home and be the mom I want to be at the same time. How you too can set up your own business from home and have a great income.
I am always interested in hearing from other moms and their experiences, post a comment or email me.
My recent guide is about helping kids become better managers of their time. I think today's kids have so much more thrown at them than when I was a kid. Throw in all the electronic distractions such as cell phones, tablets, computers and we have a cocktail of poor management. So what can we do as parents to help our children manage their time better and move from being an amateur to a MASTER? This new guide will offer practical solutions taken from my own life with helping my daughter Abigail who is a competitive gymnast manage her time. I also explore why parents might be the problem and how they can move from enabler to master time managers as well.
No parent is perfect, myself included but I believe that active effort becoming the best parent and pass on good habits to our kids is crucial to their success.
CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR COPY...
Don't forget to give me a review and let me know how well this guide helps your child.
There are many things I like writing about and some things not so much. One of those things is molestation. It is one of those things that unless you have experienced it, you cannot comprehend all the feelings that you are left with. I decided to write my new guide: Surviving sexual Interference: The power of knowing that you did nothing wrong because I feel as if all stories of this sickness must be exposed.
The sadness of molestation is that either you have been through it personally or you know someone who has experienced it. I strongly believe that there is a pedophile in every family. You need to know who the pedophile is in your family. So that you can protect your children.
A few years ago I was sharing my own story with one of my best friends and she made a statement that I thought was so profound. She said it shouldn't even be called molestation but interference. She explained that it was the worst "interference" to a child's development.
I explore what I believe to be the five stages after Interference(AI) and also offer up some tips that will help anyone dealing with this issue.
One of my key message is the idea that we are not to keep silent about molestation but rather have the courage to #tellsomeone.
Tell your own story.... tell everyone and anyone until someone hears you and does something about it.
I write a lot about various topics but new to my world is blogging. I love it but hate it at the same time. Love it because it allows you to create personal messages for others to see and relate to. But at the same time, it is such a crowded space with everyone from teenagers to grandmas blogging.
In Insight into DD, I will try to keep it real. My world is busy, I run a business from home, which is why I penned the book: How to run a Business Support Enterprise from home. A way for me to pass on the knowledge and open up to others about how they too can have a successful business working from home.
I also have four kids, ranging from age 20 to the most recent at age 7 months. My middle daughters are 7 and 4 and for the most part they make it difficult to do everything you need to do as a busy working mom. I have to admit that almost everyday I feel like pulling my hair out. When you are trying to accomplish something and you hear the whining that children are so good at displaying. Sometimes, I just have to shake my head and carry on. And did I mention that I am still nursing the littlest one, which means sleep especially at night is a luxury. My 20 year old is finally showing some sign of growth and I was glad when the teenage years left his body. I am surprised that I did not have a nervous breakdown dealing with his teenage angst Thank the lord, he is finally back in school and trying to become a mechanic. He wasn't happy when I wrote: How to avoid the $600 oil change and begged me not to publish it.
I am also known within my small and I mean small group of friends as "miss know it all." Not in a bad way but because they like to come to me for advice. So many of the things I write about are based on whatever knowledge I think I know. So check in regularly to my self-help section for a guide or two about varying subject. Usually they are based on some life experience or another.
I am also married, which as a writer gives me a lot of material. Husbands are complex and no offense to my husband but I sometimes feel like I have a fifth child. Many wives can relate to this. You know what I mean ladies, picking up after someone who is grown is not fun especially when you already have children to pick up after.
So what can you expect in future blogs? I will try and keep it real, keep it current and hopefully keep it consistent. When I said life was busy, I was not joking.
Until next time... this is DD signing off.
Wife and mother of 4 kids. Three time climber on the CN Tower. With a best time of 28 minutes. I use to have the t-shirt to prove it. I love mangoes and Okra( yes that slimy vegetable). But not together. That would be just odd. Favorite movie is "Pay it Forward"